Holding onto the hem of faith

Holding onto the hem...

Seems like that's for the women who touched Jesus and he even felt that slight touch.  Well I'm that woman, feeling weary of belief.  I'm holding onto the hem of faith.   Knowing that god covers me in the cleft of the rock, restores life from death....yet today this season, I'm holding into belief.

Katie our daughter with special needs and so many issues that keep her from "normal" life is a senior this year.  She's a life giver to everyone she meets, especially the stranger.  She's not inhibited to preach or proclaim the goodness of god wherever we go.  The ER...a place that produces anxiety and some fear inside me.  Yet she exhibits joke telling with doctors and nurses...has visitors that can't tell she's even sick.  Her joy rises above her pain...  Visitors like Mr. Terry...he's a military man, smart and very succeful; he's the face of Jesus.  He sits down and begins listening and sharing laughter with Katie , intensely and so personal.  Together they break bread and Jesus is among their friendship.  It's so "loud" it's contagious and others want to be part of their experience.  That's love.

Friend of mine with a child with severe issues brings her children to rescue my other three on Friday night so I can have a nap.  She takes her three, one that cannot walk, to play in the park, enjoy milkshakes, eat burgers and watch funny episodes of Psych.  That's love.

My friend, offering repeatedly to bring me to nod from work...take me out for supper or walks from her room to mine with coffee, made like I love it, just to sit. Or offers to style hair and makeup for senior photos for a treasured moment that we thought might now come.  That's love.

Young friends, ones I have taught in high school....reaching out to kid sit, grocery shop, bring me weigels drink and chocolate for a "push" to get thru the day....they pray and check in with me daily.  They're are love.

Ministers who are colleagues and friends who go beyond to weep with us or break bread as we wrestle the questions of fair and equality...without judgment. That's love.

Friends from across the ocean making time to skype to offer friendship as close as face to face as possible.  Again love.

Friend who buys groceries or coffee and checks in weekly to make sure my feet are grounded and my heart is not troubled.  Who has no answers but offers friendship.  Love.

Friend who says I can be there with you, I'm a fixer.  I want to be present with you....in 5 hours, I'm there.  That's love.

Another friend....I can just come and sit with you.

Theses are the hems of faith which my fingers are grasping.  This is provision as Katie and I listen to songs of praise this morning...we talk about life and death.  She's worried about herself.  She is asking if I'm afraid for her to die.  I'm not.  Together we hear the songs such as "he touched me" and "candle in the world" and Katie smiles.

"This makes my heart sing mama b"

Hummmm

This week I've tried renewing my mind and let me tell you  I was over-hauled by enemy forces.  My scattered emotions from things in the past, things out of my control, and the unknown anxieties began to build their home in my head.  As my katie would say "I'm having a messed up day..."  

As I trekked through this week, first week of school with kids....I realized vulnerabilities are essential to experiencing the joys and heartaches of living.  Reminding myself I married Scott 25 years ago, not really knowing him, but knew it would be an adventure.  As I soared through my flurry of mind-activity, I got angry that I ever wanted adventure....what was I thinking?  Give me safety, security...throw some adventure, without much risk, and life would be grand.

That simply got me a "hummmm..." response.  As I travel this mid-life journey, experiencing things that great physicians told us about Katie and her quality of life would never happen.  Well, "hummm!"  Meeting she and gracie for their senior pictures, among a huge senior clas and roar of kids, not having a panic attack....not just making it happen but living that moment with excellence, now that's  adventure.  Having my friend who teaches cosmotology travel with me to give a special treat to their day, well, living life exceedingly.  That's the story, right?

Scott training for a new job...seeing a mother with 3 little ones and experiencing god move in his soul.  Befriending her as a stranger...praying for her...living abundantly as Laura story writes "what if my blessings come through raindrops..."  The story continues with us or without us.

My long time friend comes to mind...we sit miles apart, sipping coffee and experiencing god's grace as we share life.  How is this possible?  The daily manna, newly given mercies for the days events and god knowing us.  Deeply being aquatinted with our every needs....

Yes, hairbrushes and quick fixes for makeup- seniors photos....Sophia's 4th grade teacher being her "blessing for the week"...sharing failures with a friend who hears, loves and grabs your hand...no judgement here, let's go!

Our god does see us, offers us tidbits of hope scattered like petals...sweet smells of a happy moment, cooler breezes blowing, walking at dusk and even swatting away the gnats...these offer exceedingly above what I could ask or think.