Where camp meets reality-

Once upon a time, there was a deep desire to feel included, accepted, appreciated, seen and heard.  The feeling grew yet the dissonance between what was acceptable or the "norm" continued to widen that the desire was dissipating being replaced by despair.  Air became  thinner making conversations harder to achieve...the desire manifested itself into a question, "was this  the life would forever be?  Even with like minded people of faith emptiness became a new way of living."

How many of us experience this daily or wrestle this desire as we lay our heads to rest?  Yet no rest comes.  The shadows grow long and become interwoven not recognizable to what was real.  How to approach the throne of grace?  That seems too far off, sometimes not remembering that He can take the burden...the burden of sameness, acceptance, appreciated and approved.  That He can give meaning to what was lost and create purpose and desire.  It is through Him that the shadows are powerless when our eyes are closing.  He is hiding us in the cleft of the rock, unseen by the enemy that lures seeking to devour.

As we return from Camp Celebrate, a piece or taste of heaven, we are faced with a bit of disappointment.  We return to the land of American dreamers...rejoining the the race of rats for stuff and success.  We realize a battle is brewing; how could returning home be a place filled with anxiety or loneliness?

Really it's not home.  For I am not alone whether my feet go to the left or the right, god abides with me.  He's not watching me run this race cheering me to maker certain turns.  No he's present.  Often silent.  Unconditional.  Constant.  Yet I face the feelings of difference as I re-enter my world.  My world with all my stuff, my own bed, my own pillow, my own people.  Yet my heart can easily slip into despair...or loneliness.  It can restart the debate I have in my mind of "what if...."  Then I fall into the trap seemingly prepared for me, the right size and everything.  

This is an unfair world.  Fact.  It's is unjust.  The broken have little to hold them together.  The hopeless have no where to rest.  Our lives are the way they are...or "it is what it is."  I have grow to despise that phrase.  It seems to attach itself my foot, like the mat for the man at the pool of Bethesda.    I have no one who can carry me.  I rely on unrealistic expectations that leave me disappointed and mad.  There's little room for anything else.  Then I re-long for camp next year.

Sounds crazy, doesn't it?  But it is something. We've shared with a few as we prepare for the journey back home.  God is just.  God is fair.  God sees all my emptiness.  He hears my groaning, no words needed.  He mends the brine .  The cracks still show yet they can let light at different angles flow in the darkness.   God gives sight to the blind, it's "more" blind if the heart can't see.  He sometimes carries us to the water, or requires us to stand and walk.  But the question is always the same, "do you want to be made well?"  

The question from Jesus is open ended.  His "wellness" is is dependent on his ways; they are far reaching to places we cannot understand or even dissect. Camp celebrate isn't a getaway from the norm or an unrealistic high.  It's a glimpse of heaven.  The essential organs to the "body" all coming together for renewal and rest.