Simple Jesus...

"Jesus is the reason for the Season" ~ the slogan we hear all season from secular spots and church posts to make certain as we shop, hustle and bustle during the frantic shopping, array of parties and holiday gatherings, we "seek" Jesus.  Are we consumed and so easily swayed that we must print labels, cards, t-shirts screaming that He is the reason?  It's irony to me the older I get...does the world not recognize that He reigns in our lives, especially in this season?  Or do we get caught up in the frantic-ness that we need reminding?  We plaster the slogan as advertisement for a quick fix to the fast-paced, self-absorbed society we call home. 

Then as our family does, we rush to Christmas eve, trying to slow-pace our minds of all the left-over things we must do in order to make the BIG event of Christmas morning, happen flawlessly.  Humm.
Not sure that the first Christmas resembled this at all.  Picture... 

Joseph's feet worn and dirty leading a spine-bent donkey carrying his wife, whom He barely knows, oh about to birth his baby in a town which he and Mary don't reside and no room to spend the night.  Barn, carved from a stone area, fit for animals is what becomes available.  Stinky animals, no water, no food and surprise, the baby is coming.  Mary, so young, relying on Joseph to coach her through this event; Mary's mother cannot be with her nor the women in her own village.  It's just this man, now called her husband.  If that's not scary enough, the first visitors are dirty, strange Shepherds.  Yes it all works together and is beautifully organized in creches all over the world.  Simple, kinda, stress-free, relaxed, gentle singing with candles...I think not.  It was love at it's barest.  Still a baby needing love, food, clothing, safety ~ God entered this world unlike most of us ever experience.

 

 

So then we struggle to listen to just the right "amount" of Christmas music, reminding us about the season.  Careful not to binge because we might fall out of the mood.  And all along wearing pins, shirts, hanging banners that say "Jesus is The Reason for the Season."

 

We are a contrary people.  We give when needed; often out of our abundance or after the newness of our surplus, knowing that our items won't be missed or really needed.  We take a breath; feel good, we've given.  Or we give, realize we've been taken advantage of...then our hearts grow a layer of distrust.  We gather and we are angry that people are sinful.  We begin to distrust our "gut" feeling of giving, replacing it with a book of rules in which to give.  Kinda seems funny writing it down; because it feels more like we are owners of our "things."  The ownership turns our giving into applause for self; even if it's inward praise.  Is this not sin?

 

We transfer those feelings over into how OUR church then ministers to others.  Having a mission of checks and balances on how we give, what we give, who we give...we even organize our praise with preferences that make us feel comfortable.

 

As I write, I am convicted.  I am this, like many of you.  I stumble through the gospel but stop and let the ones who aren't trying enough, giving enough or living up to my standards have it.  I may be nice  but my heart is filled with criticism, offering little grace and very often no forgiveness.

 

Like Jesus needs our "bouncer" ability to guard the ways of His gospel of love.  Really?  He was born in a strange dirty barn, stinky visitors to welcome Him...then convicted under an unjust court system (sound familiar)...all along submitting His will to the Father and asking for forgiveness for those who "sold Him out," convicting Him, killing Him, betraying Him.  Yet He offered salvation to the one hanging next to him, clearly guilty...one who earned his path into hell.  Yet Jesus had time for him as they hung dying next to one another.  Is this not the gospel of love?  Didn't really need a sign for the season.

 

Yet we struggle with living here among the "haves" and balancing our hearts with the meaning of simple Jesus.  Balancing the things we have, want and desire to the simple message of love.  I guess that's part of our cross to bear daily in this world of plenty.  I wonder is faith built on the comforts we experience and the celebration of how well we have managed, planned, executed the world we call home?

This Season...

Finding solace in this hustle bustle society we call home is a challenge.  The rush for what to buy?  What plans to make? Stretching dollars, as my kiddos call it, to last for the season.  It's somewhat overwhelming.  Then finding a spot to "give" to the poor, befriend a stranger, welcome the guest, serve those without a place to rest...Wow!  All this wrapped in a  season of carols, parties, Santa, tree trimming ..out of breath writing it.  My anxiety of leaving out or forgetting a task accelerates; let's hope my electronic held device will remind me, whistle for my attention and get me to where I am going.  Oh and bring me peace, joy and reflection as I complete each task.

It doesn't resonate with what I re-tell myself and my family that defines Jesus and His free gift to this world. So... Why do I feel discouraged? Why do the shadows come?  Why does my heart feel lonely...when Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is He.  The constant pull of being in this world, not of it.  I think of my refugee-family, they know what it means to be without, sleeping with guns to "bar" the tent doorway from danger, sharing a bowl of porridge (which my family has never seen or tasted) with the 6 hungry mouths...hoping for more to come.  Then we in our world of mostly comfort, fight over traditions in our faith, worship styles, who interrupts the Bible and the constitution most clearly...ugh. Do the eyes and ears of our Lord really never tire of this scene?

Slow to anger.  Rescuing the prisoner.  Asking questions that 

penetrate the heart.  Receiving gifts from the "sinner" and the "other."

Breaking the rules and protocol, for greater good.  

Selfless giving Himself for an ungrateful people.

 Befriending the outcast.  Breaking bread with the one who would betray.

Not revenge seeking.  Peace offering.  Seeker of hearts that are His.

Continual.  Constant.  Without conditions.  

May we find peace, real joy that comes from knowing the One who frees the lost and gives light unto my path.  Embracing that He desires me.  No pretenses.  No frills.  Simple offering of oneself as the sacrifice, trusting in the unknown, unseen parts of this world to be SEEN by the One we call Savior.

Without Conditions

Seeing God's hand in young lives...I watched someone close to me befriend  someone so sweetly and sacrificially.   The child I watched extended friendship to one who might be considered "difficult to love" ~  the insurmountable patience was overwhelming.  I was astonished.

If the world could imitate this act of kindness, we could see peace.  If God's love ran through us without so many filters, the world would recognize Jesus.  Thankful this day for a picture, in real-time, of Christ's patience and sacrificial giving, without a need for recognition or gratitude.  It was friendship at its purest.  It was walking side-by-side with one who wants a friend but plays in solitaire.   I am humbled to witness this act, seemingly so simple, yet impacting another deeply with love.

If it's simple, why do we hate?  Why are so opposed to "others" invading our time?  Our space?  Our homes?  On a positive note, we don't mind giving or speeding off to a missions trip;  we even find that giving awards or bonus points create an enticing attraction to give.  But the flip-side, is clothed in conditions, quite sad to see how shallow we've become.  What's in it for me?  What's the kick-back?  There's always a question...

It's refreshing to see young lives LEAD.  I pray that we aren't blinded by their innocence and ignore their voices because of their ages...we might just miss the best pathway to blessing and speaking loudly, without words, LOVE.

Do You Want to be Made Well?

It's been some days since my hands have touched a keyboard other than to type school emails, notifications, responses to parents, etc.  It kinda makes me not want to sit with this device on my lap listening to "chill" music...Jack Johnson or Nora Jones but I am compelled to write.  Tonight, I find myself recovering from an impactful week.  I am using that word even if auto-correct says it's not official.  It seems to make my point.   

A week of wrestling why we as a society choose to do things we do...why do we spend our time criticizing others for they way they are or they way they are not?  We spin our wheels in search of what we can complain about, be disappointed in, critical of...a great way to be remembered, huh?  A great way to known?  Well I am not at peace ~

When I look at Jesus, He made loud noise in the temple once, overturning the disgraceful "face" the people had turned His house into.  Mostly, he walked among the people.  Those who were throw-aways from their societies or communities.  Various reasons those folks didn't "fit" the mold and were cast aside.  Still Jesus found the path leading right to their mats, doorsteps or secret hide-aways,  off-the-beaten road.  He asked the same question many times, "Do you want to be made well?"  He had this way about him, a swag of sorts, (yes I am using my teenage vernacular)  that could see deeply into the eyes of one he visited.  Not only did He see deep within, his voice and the love from His eyes penetrated the deepest, kept-hidden hearts.  The question was a tool; captured by this voice of love, the visited had to answer.  With the young ruler, the answer was no; he couldn't give up the "stuff" he acquired.  It was too valuable; the cost too high.  With the woman at the well, she was captivated and couldn't deny her many husbands; served Jesus and went to tell her families.  Hagar, fled as servant with little freedom yet birthed a baby to the man who owned her, and became an outcast when jealousy overtook hearts.  God met her in a low place, little hope.  He wiped her tears and gave her freedom in a different way.  

So I question what are we asked?  What is required?  It doesn't seem that much is required....to love God completely, act in a just way, spread mercy and love beyond measure.  Wow.  In our society, I witness our answers being closer to those of the young ruler...Yea, benefits of heaven....check.  Give stuff away...yes I have some old things to get rid of.  Serve....well if I have time.  The question remains the same.  Our answers  have the flavor of that young man...Jesus replied, "it's everything."  He turned with his stuff and walked on...Are we so connected to our things, philosophies  opinions that we abort the notion that Love trumps all things, Turns away wrath and Heals brokenness?

We speak "church" so beautifully and join committees to solve problems...moving forward in concise, methodical order.  Careful to not drop crumbs, overspend, waste...regardless if the need is at hand.  It must  be flushed through the "correct" channels and heaven forgive us, if it's wasn't budgeted FIRST.  I can't resonate that this lifestyle we've perfected, is one that resembles Jesus.  It's bound by our opinions and preferences, offering very little room for the unexpected.  The unexpected is where Jesus seem to spend his time.  Why do we spend our time making sure we aren't surprised?

I think it's the clinched fists syndrome.  Not on my watch will someone speak to me that way or get in front of me, I have an entitled place in this line and I will make sure no one gets in my way.  This mentality of punishing others through money or preferences because we clinch to ownership.  When the dust settles, it's on loan to Us.  We are the adopted.  We are refugees; those without a place to lay our heads.  But we scramble to make the wheel spin, pushing others down so "our" ______ will remain with it's entitled owner.

I wonder if we looked up from our mats, and saw that Jesus is present...asking us the same penetrating question  "Do you want to be made well?"  What would our answer be?  It's vulnerable, yet it's a place filled with grace sufficient for all our needs.

Free or Not?

I am disturbed by how the poorest in our world are overlooked or judged.  Yes some of it "they" bring on themselves but some of my hardships, I contribute greatly...  Why is it different when we see others?  In lue of compassion, we resort to criticizing or enforcing the rules to why this event took place.  In place of giving one's hand to hold or to help, we stare from afar...usually from the pew we sit so comfortably.  We offer lots of "suggestions" under our breath, cannot imagine if we could hear the thoughts.  Then we smile, like the Cheshire Cat, saying "I will pray for you."

I am ever thankful that God doesn't patronize me with such empty judging responses.  I wonder if we really consider all that we have to be from Him?  Maybe we've never really had to live "without" or experienced desperate hunger.  If our souls thirsted for Christ, we couldn't hold onto our worldly possessions.  We would be giving exhaustively.  (don't know if that's an appropriate use of or real word but it seems appropriate)

I have known a few folks in my pathway that live this life of Christ.  Exhaustive Giving.  Seeing through the pain, with eyes of Jesus, and beyond the rules.  It's these folks who see a hungry family and spend their last $5 for chicken and fries.  We don't see these heroes   They are not the ones who "count" the acts of goodness and delete the expired requests   They leave that job to the Lord.  They also see possessions as dust blowing in the wind.  They don't worry about tomorrow because they live in the moment.  They know "whom they believe" and they are not ashamed of that gospel

They stand for justice even if it's not popular.  They seek the Lord with their hearts and leave the rest to God.  He can work it out.  I am not sure that most "good" folk and church-going folk rest in this lifestyle.  For it's too uncertain and never makes checks/balances.  It always seems to be coming out of left field and measures not to standards of the law.  This lifestyle doesn't seem to have spot to "fit" other frameworks; it's foundation is "even the Lord doesn't have a spot to lay his head."

It rejoices for the most insignificant, cares for the dying and shares breaking of bread any-day  mirroring the small boy's lunch which given through hands of Jesus fed well over 5000.  I think the heartbreak in this story is that "we" think we are the FREE.  It's the opposite.  Those who live life according to Jesus aren't in bondage to the rules or what people think.  They don't look for the emptiness of this world to feed/nurture their soul.  We are the captives.  We misunderstand giving our lives to the Lord, daily, with "wearing" ourselves out with service.  We win as it relates to burn-out, criticism, unforgiveness, entitlement, judging, even giving at times of crisis.  Because it's not the act, it's much deeper.  It's the heart.  When the heart belongs to the Creator, we begin to see Jesus.

Jesus...the healer on the Sabbath, the wrecker of the temple when it was used to indulge our desires, the storm-calmer after we've all stressed in fear, the forgiver despite being betrayed by those dearest, sacrificial when it is wasn't deserved or earned, the free-er of those outcast-ed   It's not the candidate I usually line up to support.  It's not the most attractive club to join.  Yet it is the Free Gift of Christ as He died for you and me.  It's the Gospel, the Kingdom here on Earth.

Sadly we reject this rhetoric   We want to look as the world.  We want to keep driving and lock our doors as we pass those who are rejects of society.  We will give a little when asked but invite all those in the ditch to OUR feast?  Not usually.  It's really troubling to me...we will travel lengths to do missions, but dare not have our lives invaded by those "who don't belong."

Newsflash...we are heirs to God's kingdom by adoption, and we simply break God's heart repeatedly.  We use the flesh to meet our needs and sift through what we should do with OUR resources like it's really up to us.  Feed my sheep. Take care of the widows, the poor...live life with long-suffering as Christ so freely calls us.  Be as the birds, caring for the day...tomorrow will have enough.  Don't stash "it" away in case the blessings/provisions might not return or that it might just be God "toying" with us.

I guess I am utterly amazed at the effort and energy it takes to be us.  It's not restful nor is it free.  A simple calling to freedom...God is love.  It trumps everything else.

Shadows...

A common description I hear among teenagers is, "My heart is breaking or I can't take it anymore."  I am reminded of the verse in His Eye Is On The Sparrow ~

 "Why do I feel discouraged?  Why do the shadows come?  

Why does my heart feel lonely and long for heaven and home.  

When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is He, 

His eye on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

If we are honest, we all feel trapped by the "shadows" and often can't find the strength to pull ourselves together.  Life finds us and envelopes us with all kinds of shadows, oceans and forests.  I guess that's why the imagery of being protected by the Lord's hand, "cleft of the rock" is so powerful.  After reading Francine River's The Sin Eater, this picture became so clear as this little child was "chased" by a predator yet NEVER found.  The cleft of rock made her invisible from the enemy.  God knows exactly when we are facing the Jezebels in our life...when, we are ready to give up and prepare to die.  Elijah, the prophet, felt this exact feeling.  Instead of allowing Elijah to perish, God fed and nourished him in a cave.  He equipped his mental and physical body as strength was gained, in order that He could win bigger battles.

Take courage and feel encouraged that God has not set you up to fail.  He's got bigger plans; ones that will set your feet on mountains that can only be moved with His strength.  The same strength that is made perfect in our weakness.  I will choose to sing...

"I sing because I am happy.  I sing because I am free.  

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me."

Me, Jesus and The Log at Camp

Went to a Girls In Action overnight event at a local camp with my youngest, Sophia.  Camp brings back many memories for me...attending Camp Carson as a 3rd grader with one of my sweetest life-long friends.  We had never been away from home that long, didn't know how to showers in a dormitory-style place...guess what?  Didn't take a shower because we were embarrassed with older girls and getting in the shower made my friend very homesick.  Didn't kill us and created grown-up laughing memories. So this event evoked memories and even songs. It reminded me of when I worked as a counselor for three summers and those days were part of my experiencing and discerning who God is and what He means to me.  In fact my first time to lead a group devotion occurred on the banks of the river in West Tennessee. Proverbs 3:5-6 became a wonderful expression of my faith.  I had no idea the foreshadowing into the grown-up life I would experience.

So on the bus we went, all the GA's and their moms.  Camp fire, smores, "Sin"box skit (that will date ya!), playing in the creek and paddling in a canoe. Well I didn't canoe...thanks Miss Jill for allowing Sophia to experience this part of camp.  LOL!  During the campfire, sitting next to a mom that I had grown-up with in Morristown, we laughed at how uncoordinated we were in songs like "Row Row Row Your Boat" and "Bingo" ~ we felt old as we stood up/down to the tunes of our campfire magic while trying not to "roll" the log backwards as we stayed in beat with the music.  Really we were the comedy.

But the girls didn't even notice.  They were in the moment...stars, fire, marshmallows and singing. Sophia even volunteered to lead a song with sign language...I was shocked b/c she didn't know the sign language but her courageous spirit lead any inhibitions I was most concerned about. In the middle of Miss Jill's devotion, Sophia leaned near me and said "Mama, this fire reminds me of God.  I just love Him.  This is great and I want to come here every year." At that moment I thought of how simple God's love is...

Where did my love for him go?  Why is it so contingent on external things?  External entitlements?  External demands and expectations?  As we grow older, we are missing some of those Jesus moments  b/c we fussing about how it all got planned or didn't get planned.  Or dwelling on the intentions of the request   We miss Jesus.  He is often in those spur of the moment venues...often in the unexpected...often in the unplanned.  When we finally get our act together or our "stuff" in order, the party is over.  Jesus is moving onto the next party.  A great reminder to what is valued?

Create in me Lord a pure heart that desires you mostly! A heart that is flexible and willing to bend and not be in control.  A little spontaneity so I might experience the mysteries of the One who created me... the One who told the ocean where to begin/end and grows life out of death.

A picture of love...

Yesterday I witnessed a beautiful picture of how God really loves us and extends His arms/feet to help us either move forward, stand and be still or even back up the mountain.  The picture came as I watched my teenage daughters do something so simple yet very powerful.

A picnic...Grace asks often, "Can we just go into the middle of our backyard (which slops to the community park) and sit on a blanket or even have supper?"  I say, "Let's not go to center of yard; it's too hard for Katie (Grace's twin who has special needs, visually, emotionally, physically) and I don't want to "lug" the  dishes etc back and forth."  The End.

This day was different.  I heard Grace ask Katie to go for a picnic.  They asked me to go too but I was recovering from the flu.  I really didn't have the energy to walk to the center of the yard especially in the sunshine.  I felt a bit guilty and knew that Katie might back out of her "yes" when she heard I was staying on the porch.  Again, this day was different.  I gently whispered to Grace, "You know when Honey Pie (our lab) sees you both, she will bark.  This will make Katie nervous and it might not go well."  
"I know Mom; it's okay."  Grace replied.

I watched from the screened porch, biting my lip and praying that Katie would not disappoint Grace.  This was one of Grace's "things" she wished that they could do as sisters.  The togetherness of twins; not reminded of the array of differences in their maturing selves...this was the goal.  Grace carried her packed basket which contained PB&J bagel sandwiches, juice, fruit and chips.  She had their Ipods and camera in tow.   Down the steps, Katie first.  Dog quiet.

Katie steps onto sidewalk, stops.  Grace takes her hand and helps her step onto grass, an unsure feeling for Katie because it's not firm or stable.  The grass moves and when someone like Katie walks on grass, they simply are trying to "find where they are in space."  It's not easy.  There's no frolicking through the yard.  Honey Pie barks and wags tail.  Katie covers ears.  I hold my breath waiting for Katie to start her "no I don't want this, never again"  but it never came.

Grace ran over to Honey Pie and gave her a treat.  Asked Katie to hold two more treats for later.  Katie held Grace's arm as they maneuvered through the sticks and uneven slope under the giant Oak trees.  Minutes later, dog barked.  Walking stopped.  Grace gave Honey another treat.  Quiet.  They walked to  center of yard and stopped at blanket Grace had prepared them.  She sat down and pointed for Katie to join.  Katie bent over doing her knee drop sitting and plopped to ground.  It was done.  Grace threw another treat to Honey.  All was quiet.

I watched.  Overwhelmed at how difficult it is to be one's friend sometimes, yet saw that it wasn't really.  It just took time.  11 minute short walk to picnic but so worth it.  Girls ate, laughed.  Katie played "pretend" like she loves to do.  Then they both lie on their stomachs...knees bent and feet in air.  They listened to music and both took pictures of the grass, trees, Honey Pie and each other.  Success.

The walk back up was 1.5 hours later.  Couldn't believe it lasted that long?  Same slow routine.  Teeter-totter gait walking; this time up the slope.  Dog barked.  Ate treat.  Katie held Grace's arm and finished the hike.  Grace then went back/forth with dishes and stuff.  By then, the moment was over.  

I reflected;  felt grateful to witness this special act of love.  God does the same.  Gentle touch, calming our fears, giving us courage to move on and then walking the whole way...slow and steady.  Facing our fears and giants even if they are the gentle Honey Pies.  Unsteady as the pathway feels, His hand guides.  Our eyes see unclear or not at all, but we walk.  He talks to us, enjoys the breeze and even captures the moment like a lens from a camera.  It's then His heart sings, I believe.

I am thankful for God allowing me the visual ~  trusting me to see through His eyes for one moment.  Slow and steady, seeing the beauty of being one's friend.  Frolicking is for some but others are able to capture a peace that gently guides our feet to a blanket prepared for us...with milk and honey and rest.

Tears..do not be afraid

Tears...why do they scare us?

I know as I have aged and hardened some with life's experiences, tears aren't frequent.  I used to cry when hearing a verse from a song or seeing a certain movie.  But now, it seems tears are drier.  The deepening of my soul still feels those moments of hurt, sadness, joy, questions of pain...but why no tears?

I don't have the answer, surprise!  I just know when I experience tears either alone or in community, the body seems to begin a healing process that mentally I strive for but can't always obtain with "mind over matter and positive thinking."  Tears are a stretching of the senses.  Jesus loves them; He even says "I keep your tears stored in a jar."

Ponder that...the creator of life.  The One who begins and ends time.  The One who at the sound of His voice calms seas, moves mountains and frees captives.  That One stores my tears, really.  How opposite from the society of modern everything screams..."Don't Cry Out Loud...Big boys don't cry...stop being a cry-baby."  Yet Christ, the One who claims us, chooses us, accepts us, forgives us, reaches to us and stays with us...stores our tears.

It makes me wonder, do we really have the cure?  The answer?  The quick fix?  We love solving problems and making the long road, shorter and more efficient.  Yet sometimes through the valley of death, we can only appreciate and experience peace that passes all knowledge.  Sometimes in the grieving, we can only celebrate the life.  In the fears, we can only experience the cleft of the rock and the new mercies.

Today there is light.  Light within us from a light which never dims or goes out.  A light that the world can see when we have no words.  More often that's the case.  So be silent, let your light shine.  Cry and let the waters from our tears be like flavourful salt to a bland emotions.  It takes courage to let tears flow; God can handle the vulnerability...He can use it to grow new sprouts.

Can't Keep Up...

Today was an usually hard day...especially after wrestling with our Sunday School class about the fairness of this world, rather the unfairness of it.  The nature of God, in His silence, and how we resolve to live by it, in it and through it.   Today I experienced what it feels like to be "other."

I attended a special meeting for Katie, our daughter.  It was school related and focused on her success in high school.  Much support from a group of people who seemed concerned for K's success.  The leader of the group was insightful and so thorough clothed in love and tenderness.  It was a positive feeling.  Academic teachers began talking about Katie.  Her progress, her strengths, how sweet she is, how kind she is, and her struggles with the pace of high school.  It's not that I disagreed with the opinions, as they were spoken kindly.  Pace~can't keep up, doesn't comprehend even though she reads aloud in front of the class without error, always volunteers but can't keep up.

Internally I am asking "how can I do more homework at night?"  7.5 hour days and her eyesight is on overload, her brain needs rest....yet the answer is still "can't keep up."  It's easy to say well who cares...she's precious and come so far.  That's not the point.  Of course I see her progress; she's a miracle!  But in this world of competition, the river of achievement widens as move throughout the teenage years.

I wonder if this is living out "blessed are the poor in spirit...the last shall be first...if you love me, feed my sheep, become a servant."  In church or community, this sounds admirable. I might even receive acclamation for serving or get a plaque to hang on my wall.  But when it invades my heart or gets too close to home, then wait a moment...this isn't what I signed up for.  It's too uncomfortable and noticeable.  That's not normal.

As a community, we only see the moments that are tender or proclaim a truth of God that we hadn't seen because our eyes are closed or blind to the heart of Jesus.  When my life is in fact invaded with this "difference or specialness" it's not always happy.  It's surrounded with disappointments of this world, which is our only reference point to success or achievement. Again it's a set-apartness that doesn't seem so "blessed."

It's at this moment, I must choose this day the Lord, clinging to the peace that transcends all trauma and uncertainty .  I must hold tight to the rock which hides me in it's cleft.  I must surrender my desire to look the "same" and hang up the idea of success according to the world's measurement.  It's not light nor easy to say; it feels more like carrying the cross.  Thankfully my burden is traded with His...Lord give me eyes to see that it is light.

Fair?

Ahh, I have returned.  School has started a new group of eager learners enter my room...big hugs, smiles, stories of summer plans.  Sounds like little children, well, in some ways they are just that.  My teenage students run in with smiles and silliness wanting to tell me everything that's happened in their lives.  Some of which is head tilting to listen to and some with deep sorrow, I can barely stand to hear.  All of them looking for "hope" in that life will get better, be better and they want it now.  Plus they want it FAIR.

After church yesterday my family sat in the living room talking about fairness.  Was God or is God fair?  Elijah tilted his head and pondered.  Grace said God is just.  Yes I agree.  But fair?  Fairness isn't equal to justice nor is equal to equal.  I have stressed in my parenting life that  each of us needs different things.  We have "special" needs as Elijah understands it to be; therefore we receive what we need.  It may look different at times; because we are unique.  It's filled with mercy and love.  But to the world, it may not appear fair.  If we all received a fair wage for our lives lived, well then, we've earned death.  Separation from God.  Romans is pretty clear about that.  But God came by choice, from the judges seat to take our place.  To show great love and mercy ~ Not to be fair.

We live in such an "entitled, deserved" based society.  We leave little room for mercy and grace except when we give or serve at "high holy" times of the year.  You know feeling sorry for the orphans, needy, homeless and widows...supplying their food or sending a basket or even buying new clothes.  We may even give at a corporate level of our funds to support a mission or time of disaster.  Please be patient with me...I know these times/support are necessary and usually given with the purest of motives.

My question is deeper.  The place where we must search our internal lives, the parts of us that God only knows.  The spot where we wrestle our flesh; the place where we struggle not being selfish and self-centered.  Would we give our seat as the judge and take the spot of the convicted?  I have to say that would be so hard.  For my children, yes.   For others, I don't know.

God did just that.  His heart was changed by  Abraham as he begged God to wait and let him search for 10 faithful.  We struggle with "life not being fair."  My resolution is God isn't fair.  He's completely just, clothed with daily mercies and grace beyond measure. He live in us; therefore we are NEW creatures.  

We live in a world all about getting ahead, not one of surrender.  A world of making sure those get what they deserve.  A world of sacrificial giving that doesn't make much impact to our routine or even touch the bulk of our funds.  We slide by patting ourselves on the back when we've given from the interest...and celebrate how much we still have.

As I write this, my heart sinks.  That just doesn't sound like Jesus.  It sounds more like a costume party where we "toast"  to our good deeds and acheivements, looking a bit like Christ.  Is that fair?  I don't think so.  Not fair to the one who gave of himself completely, took on a servant's role and said yes to crimes he didn't commit.  Yet we go on with our comfort and blind eyes barely being touched by the hopeless, mostly critical of what they "should or shouldn't" do...

Holy Spirit breathe on us.  You know these parts of our lives.  Give us courage to do what most see as impossible for you live within us; the one with cattle on a hillside.  The one who turns water into wine, serves thousands with bread and fish.  Aren't you able to replenish our giving?  Aren't you able to bless us beyond what we could think or imagine?  THEN let us show it.  Neither depth or height can separate us from God's love...giving too much, allowing our savings to be divided and spent in places we didn't plan or budget.  The kingdom is present not just "to come."  Draw near to one who frees, pardons, gives life to all His children whom He cherishes.

Simple yet Hard

It's funny how children shape, reorganize, mess-up the planned chaos that I have manufactured in my mind.  Ha!  I wish I could embrace this fact and allow my expectations to just "go with the flow."  It's kinda like Pavlov's dog...hear the bell, salivate, eat.  Repeat.  Well every time I am just amazed at how God uses the youngest ones to teach me the biggest of lessons.  It is a surprise?  Well He does put emphasis on the smallest of seeds to be our target for faith.  He calls the youngest unto Himself when the others were shuffling them to the "kid's table."  He takes the lunch of a small boy and does miraculous division; feeds thousands and has left-overs.  He heals the son to strengthen the faith of the family and "a little child will lead."

So really, it's me that has issues with understanding.  He's pretty clear how things will unfold and is consistent with those He uses, always for a greater mystery.  Thanks young ones for sharing the visions, growing our faith and seeing the bigger picture.  It's odd, this world we live in.  We say, "Wait till life hits you.  You ain't seen problems yet.  There's more fish in the sea; it's just teenager love.  Been there, done that.  Done my time, I will watch."  I've been as guilty as any of saying these very phrases that I said I wouldn't dare think, much less say.  I think as we examine this world view, we find that the center is filled with lessons learned, yes.  But it's centered on me.  My time done.  My heart that's been used or crushed.  My disappointments that hover me.  My control.   It eliminates the philosophy of "older women lead the younger" and isolates both players.  God himself modeled this by joining us in human form:  walking, talking, spending time with us.  I feel certain he tired of our complaints, rules, conditional love and small increments of grace if any.

As I cultivate the meaning of grace, my opinions and analysis seem irrelevant.  Isn't that the point of grace?  Not expected.  Not earned.  I often see the church fighting this issue of "when to give?  Is it appropriate? Iis it deserved?"  We make a checklist before we extend the hand of grace.  Grace really isn't MY gift to others.  It's God's divine hand reaching through me and blessing, loving, giving to another pilgrim.  It kinda makes me pause.  We often clothe our decisions in vocabulary such as "stewardship, accountability, budgetable, etc."  I am not saying we shouldn't be wise with decisions, money and time.  But we've carried the process so far that it is excruciating for the askee or the person in need; we've made it an unapproachable process.

I don't have the answer or a vision of clarity but I see many people and institutions missing blessings, remember the blessing is in the giving because we didn't budget the item or we want to double check our resources to make sure there's enough left-over.  I think these are the puzzles of living the day-to-day life.

Isn't it more like Jesus to give even the shirt you wear than to store it away in a closet?  Wouldn't that be applicable to our money...storing here on Earth or in the bank or in "stuff" I own?  I believe the answer is yes.  Yet we work ourselves to death planning the best way to use every penny using the interest only, so  the amount I see monthly only grows but never shrinks. God is proud of me because I gave.  We are so thrilled that we have given the extra...extra interest, extra time.

I am not sure that's the point.  If it's only the interest or extra that's touched, we don't really notice it, do we?  Like the little boy and the 5000 thousand...he didn't give his left-overs or the lunch he prepared to share.  He gave ALL he had.

Wendy

Blessings?

The song by Laura Story has really found a place in the crevices of my heart..

What if your blessings come in raindrops?  What if your healing comes through tears? 

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near? 

 We pray for blessings, peace and comfort.   We pray for wisdom; angry that we can't feel you near.  ALL the while, you hear.  What if the trials in this life are mercies in disguise?

In this life, this is how I see Jesus but it's surely not the way I would choose.  If I were God, would I bless through sleepless nights?  Bring healing through tears?  Be present, but silent. I don't know but I have experienced God when I feel I cannot go on or through some random act that flies into my situation from literally nowhere.  (From left field as Beth Moore says)

Yes that seems to be when God reveals Himself to me in a gentle touch.  This week I helped a neighbor give away her piano.  I wasn't thinking of someone specific.  With technology, I heard a response in about 10 seconds.  "Yes."  the voice said via email.   Again not really realizing the significance, just accepted the yes and moved on with my day.  The day arrived to greet the mover-guys, no big deal, but what I found out was a blessing.

Moving a piano?  Really?  Someone who didn't want this older instrument with strings and keys but didn't want to throw it out...seeking it a new home.  I chatted a moment with the new owner, my friend, and discovered she was excited as a child on Christmas.  A used piano, with scratches and wear/tear, bringing joy as Christmas?  I told her I was so happy that she could receive this blessing.   In a few minutes, I found out that her "heart was singing" (a description from my Katie) because her dream was to play the piano.

Oh my heart sang as well...I aided in fulfilling someone's dream.  Assisting in moving just a piece of furniture to another, a blessing.  In fact making both our heart's sing.  It became clear that it's not the gift at all; it's the pleasure of following or taking time to hear a short story or visiting at the mailbox or looking up from my hand-held technology and meeting the eyes of another.  Jesus clearly wanted us to see each other eye to eye.  The body is the lamp to the soul ~  we miss that often because we say while typing or reading or looking, "I can hear you.  I am listening."  It's like we need to reassure ourselves and the receiver that I can, in fact, multi-task.

In this moving, fast-paced world, multi-tasking is a valued trait.  We celebrate the more stuff we can accomplish all at the same time. Just look at our televisions, mobile phones etc. I wonder if Jesus was here in human form today, would He hold a phone, have laptop in tow, ear-buds in place ~  and respond I can listen to you while doing all this.  Go ahead what do you need?

I sometimes find as distracted as this life forms me, I say the same thing as my children approach or as students visit my office or drop by?  It's good to accomplish tasks and get through projects but not more valuable than seeing, really seeing the eyes of another.  I pray that we aren't compromising the mystery of God because we have instant images and faster search engines.  That we aren't overlooking some of the mysteries of the heart because we are too busy and don't have time.

In fact, we have time.  We make choices daily.  We make choices instantly about what's important.  Let us draw near to Jesus so we have clearer reflection of who He really is through the eyes of each other.

Walking with dusty feet ~

Listening

As I hear the political voices this season, (none really impressing me b/c I find it difficult to be in politics at higher levels and speak with authenticity and integrity) the voice seems to always focus on satisfying someones agenda or gaining their support etc.  But I do churn over the comments made and the connection they make to social issues, equality, morality, how to begin/end life, who has ownership to my "stuff"...well you know the checklist of items, and how this checklist blends itself into my faith and belief system.


I find the older I get most folks don't like their faith to intersect with their daily lives.  You know living the daily and having control over what is mine...money, time, energy.  It's so difficult to teach our children the value of submission to the Lord for He is the giver of all things and how that lifestyle "rubs" ownership, responsibility and humility.  We all want to grow up and "own" our stuff, make a lot of money and go/do what we want.


I am not opposed to doing your best and caring for what you have been given; I believe that's the Lord's desire.  But the statement above whether it's ingrained in our minds or heard on television among religious voices or from political podiums,  it isn't clothed with humility.  It doesn't reflect the idea I'm continually discovering about this journey of faith.  The notion that we get what we deserve or that my success is all about my perseverance and hard work, one surviving beyond the island.  I think life, especially one trying to follow Jesus, is filled with pain, sacrifice and sometimes staying at the lonely place, bottom rung of the ladder.  It's a life shared with some community of faith.  A faith group that allows for questions, even the unanswered ones.  It's filled with grace and discipline, not a checklist of rules that are quick to outcast you.   I picture it in a refugee camp holding onto the joy of salvation, in a concentration camp praising God for fleas...I also see it in a life lived, giving w/o strings to the body around them.  Not sitting on the "stash" waiting till I am inspired to give a hefty donation. God didn't speak of inspiration to give to the poor, provide and protect the children...He said to DO THIS in His name, do I not love you more than the birds?


It's my personal struggle.  Why can't I own a house, paint my walls, buy new furniture?  I find myself knowing the treasures here in this world, even though it seems forever, are only temporary.  We are in constant state of preserving things...protecting our lives from age, death, sadness...when we take a view that this world is but a moment,  A  blink of an eye well then, my agenda seems less valuable.  Pain is part of growth.  Death is part of life.  Sadness is part of happy.


So how do I live life?  An island?  Nope.  It's not possible, community is essential.  Whether that community is online or distant friends that you see here/there; our success in this world must be built on humility, sacrifice and giving.  None of this world belongs to us, even our children.  We are given them for a moment...so much integrity, character building, God's vision of hope and peace and salvation in a few short years.  That's a job, right? A privilege not an enduring. 


It takes a village to help raise them.  A working it out as we say.  Sometimes we do it right and sometimes we just need a do-over.  They are resilient when we are honest about struggles and through saying sorry and moving on.   It really works.  I see it in the lives of students at school.  
At first, they are on edge, defensive and don't expect grace.  When you offer it, they often get nervous waiting for the "shoe" to drop.  When it doesn't they run to you.  They are deeply drawn to honesty and love.  Kinda sad as I see them graduating preparing for the "next step" and still desiring the simple things in life most of them not familiar with but intimately attracted to because we are created in His image.  An image of love.  


So by the grace of God, I am.  That's the sum, the end.  By His grace I am saved.  By His grace, go I.  Take courage with me this day...walk upright, knowing you are precious to HIM, if no other on this Earth, you are created by God who is light midst darkness.  Peace midst storm. Take those truths and pass them around...


~WendyK

Weak?

A moment today...one of our children said "everyone thinks I am weak.  My friends too."  What a heart-wrenching comment to hear out of one of the most precious souls you could love...it was a moment for me take a deep breath, realizing our children are with us for a short few moments. So I have a choice.   Do I overreact at the dropping of the watermelon b/c of slippery hands...Or do I stop and realize there's more to this little incident.  I would love to share with you that I have it all together and never misappropriate my reactions.  :)  Ha.


But this time, I did it right!  I paused...at least the melon burst into the already dropped trashcan lid  making cleanup so easy.  I saw the pain in the small set of eyes looking back at me; this is not about dropping the melon and disappointing mom.  Next, the comment I previously shared.  Weak.  I wanted to shout, "it doesn't matter what others say!"  But it does matter what your friends say if it is becoming the truth that you believe about yourself.  Then you think people are expecting the least of you.  At a young age, this is a moment to shift that opinion.  Practice self-talk that makes you HEAR a voice inside say "I am special.  I am made by God and my family loves me."   This was more beneficial than any camp they could attend or better than any concert they could perform in or better than any test they could ace.


The moment expanded to f2f, breaching personal space laws, speaking truth "Jesus says NOT by might or power...be of strong heart!  W/O love it's all just noise or empty service."  It was a reminder that in our little family, at our simple supper table...the body of Christ begins.  This is the equipping of the saints to go forth and preach the Gospel.  To spread the news of hope.  To walk humbly, not proud and finish well.


With that strength through God's power, these children of ours will make a difference.  They will plant seeds, water gardens, pull weeds, and harvest.  They will set an example of Jesus, a simple servant filled with compassion...not one with robes of glamour and awards.  It's funny this picture...humility, servant-hood, going last, dusty feet, slow moving, showing up late...the description of weak?  Well it's what "they" say is weak but God says it is having a heart like His.  I am sure the island John lived on was lonely...the end of his life, weary body, low vision...But through his weak end-of-life experience, God was able to give new sight and reveal Himself to John, recording Revelation.


May more moments like these happen so that I may be strengthened!

My First Post

Hi Everyone,


Well, actually it isn't my first post.  It is my husband Scott's first post.  He finally made the blog that Frank believes is what God wants to the world to hear.  The rest of the posts are from me (Wendy) but everything else is somebody else's doing. Scott named the blog and set it up (poorly I am sure).  I just feel called to write, what somebody else does with it, I just hope that God uses in some way. 


Again, this is the only post Scott gets to make on my behalf.  The rest is all me.


Here we go!


Wendy

Swarming Bee's In My Head

As I experienced the Lord this weekend, I began to churn swarming thoughts much like bees on the loose.  At first it felt crowded and quite overwhelming because I had so many and so much churning.  Today my quiet time with Jesus began by praying for those invisible souls we often overlook or just don’t have the eyesight to see.  I began thinking of building plans, ministries of our well-intentioned communities of faith, our well-intentioned meetings and planning processes...if we aren’t cautious, we become those who plan, meet and discuss.  As we read Jesus we see He rarely calls a meeting, he was into the “doing” part of ministry.  Now hear me clearly, you and I can have a nervous breakdown from “doing” the work; so there’s boundaries of when to rest, when to serve, when to say “yes.”  If the yes involves your lack of trust that someone called will rise up; you should still say no.  The work of Jesus isn’t continued on our wornoutness.  Even Jesus himself needed rest after dealing with the enemy; imagine Christ needing care?  

Back to my churning...social justice and basic needs being provided for all humans...that isn’t earned.  It seems to be an inappropriate focus.  Why dwell on this point?  There will always be those who test the system, take advantage of the system and even misuse it.  I hear Christians in opposition to health services because they  themselves want choices and they don’t want to pay for someone else’s care.   I am all for choices and hard work usually pays off so that the worker can see the fruit of his/her labor.  But as I intersect that thought with Jesus’ example, we as a society are missing the mark.  Our learning curve is very linear and predictable.  

The church is in a position to be prophetic...listening to the Samuels of our day.  They often lead us, if we are willing to step in faith.  But our lifestyles and increasing debt to keep the life we want, interferes and provides a dark shadow over this vision.  So what would Jesus do, as so many ask and wear on their sleeves?  He clearly promised we would have the poor and the widows and the orphans...was that just so we could give to them at Christmas?  No the day-day is where faith, life and conviction intersect.

Yes, I think it means adjusting our expectations.  It means doing without; do we really need all we have?  I think it’s a dangerous place because when we are more interested in protecting our “stuff” or “money”, we miss the person.  If this philosophy held true, we wouldn’t have seen Jesus meet the woman at the well and visit with her.  Nor would we find him stopping by the pool of Bethesda and seeing deep within a man’s heart  and being concerned with “Do you want to be made well?”  The man I am sure had excuses of why he couldn’t get to the pool and probably took advantage of the whole system.  What about those who interrupted Jesus and lowered their friend through the roof?  Interrupting Jesus in faith that He could make a difference.  It’s a revolutionary way to think.  It takes courage and clear thinking.  Others may not like you or may “kick you to the curb” ~  I pray we aren’t that simple minded.  But to stand means to face the furnace, even if death follows.

The voices I hear voices among Christians making sure no one gets more than they deserve.  We make sure they know to go through the process before we can help; we can’t help everyone don’t you know.  And then we throw a Bible verse in for support “those who don’t work, don’t eat.”  I know the Bible says this but it’s not ammunition to throw around as our litmus test to serving those near/far.  God is the final judge.  Don’t we believe that vengeance is HIS, not ours.  Don’t we trust that the one who wrote in the sand as freedom for the woman, can see the hearts of people?  I pray as He sees my heart, he sees one that is willing to give beyond.  Don’t I trust God to provide for me?  So therefore I cannot stop giving.  I think the answer always ends in more questions.  It’s never going to be easy but I fear we empower our own strength and reasoning, we miss the blessings of giving.  And by the way, giving means freely.  Once we give, we let it go.  If we have strings, we simply want control.


Pray this summer season that God will let your eyesight change.  Maybe you need glasses; maybe you need to take your glasses off...let us not be like the world.  “Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointed fingers; not judging the wounded but allowing our hearts be led by mercy.”    We say we love the sinner and hate sin; that’s ultimately God’s job.  I think we would see transformation if we focused on the loving part; God is big enough, smart enough to handle the rest.

Wendy

I Said Yes

Briefly...

It is a mere second that we get the opportunity to say Yes.  I am so inspired that "the least of these" seem to show us the direction of Jesus.  I don't know why my brain cannot wrap itself around this concept; you know, it's the least of the fishermen, outcasted women, little children that He surrounded himself with...So why do we spend so much of our time circling the 'people venues' we want to be associated with or known by?  It's kinda crazy.  How much effort I spend on my own fears?  Trying to re-wire my mind so that I can be courageous.  Ha!  Still yet I am amazed at the courage of those who were either so desperate oar so determined or so fearless that nothing would hold them away from seeing Jesus.  I probably would have given in or up.  Which ever came first.   And as my Katie shows me in human form how sensitive and in-tune her senses are to the lives of others, Jesus was that  even more.  He felt the wisp of a hand against his long robe.  Sometimes I cannot even hear myself think much less move in a direction.

Why not, chill a bit.  Give the rules a little vacation.  See if our uncomfortableness in silence, God speaks.  He just might.  Again it might be the small respite we need to face tomorrow.

I Said Yes...

Just had to reflect in Sunday- we came into church fashionably or unfashionably late- sat on different sides of Sanctuary. Katie and I to the left, back row. Ahh. Just in time for sermon. Katie "mom is it over?". No k. We shared communion which she said "that was good but the juice tasted funny". Singing during invitation hymn- "I'm going". K said. Where? This isn't visiting time- maybe we should sneak out the back and get to Sunday school early? "no- mama. God told me I am special and I have to tell everyone that he loves them. Can I go?"Well- my pride, inner wrestling of oh how embarrassing- its a long walk and she'll never make it before the song is over- "let the children. Come unto me""can I mama?"Who am I to say no! I said yes- watching her walk a very long aisle- waving hands with excitement. Her gait is slow but steady- she stops 1/2 way and makes eye contact with a friend of mine, another mother with a child with many issues. Her heart heavy this day- sees Katie. Thinks Katie looks right into her soul- sunlight all around; "is this an angel for me". Then Katie keeps walking- oh my! As I write this I see Jesus walking, stopping for one who touched his robe.Katie went to pastor Wade. Shared. Then at end of service, wade says " Katie Erwin will give the benediction" listening with anxiety and anticipation, Katie pronounces"everyone, god loves you. He cares for you today". Pastor Wade says amen. What a testimony to one who sees the world with immediate joy- forgive me for not being "brave" when god tells me to go- thanks Katie b; 

You have ministered to many! 

Wendy

Older Graduation Post

A day closer to being home...teaching what a great opportunity to have summers free to be with my kiddos.  My heart broke today as my sweet student teachers were getting the room all already for PreK graduation.  I cannot decide who reaps the benefits...teens or preschoolers?  Doesn't really matter, it is just great collaboration and team learning   It's like living in a qualitative study watching all the participants change, love and grow.  Back to breaking heart...one of my single mothers was arrested today.  It's not permanent but still interrupting learning time, here comes the police.   Just a reminder that we live in this world where young people are forced to live adult situations...by their own choices but sometimes not.  Class took a quiet time out; it wasn't even forced.  They just paused.  Then a few seconds later which seemed longer, class resumed.

My day continued to progress as the bell rang after each 90 minute period...it's funny, this way we do education--Preparation to the real world, not really.  But it's okay for the system we need it to be...makes me question mediocrity.  No wonder we celebrate it.  We teach to the middle and care less for those who fall off each end.  We throw parties for those who have perfect attendance, perfect achievement and perfect academics...a theme?  perfection?  Well I wonder what would happen if we celebrated effort, success based on the individual?  I am not sure it would be a celebration in the gym or on the field...because it would be personal and meaningful.  That is what I wanted to scream today...celebrate those who didn't go to ISS for fighting for a whole semester, for not cussing in class, for completing and passing each course they are enrolled...wow!  Sometimes the bar is so high, those that live underneath, cannot even see the awards table.  Isn't that how Jesus celebrated?  Those w/o sin, you go ahead and throw stones.

I am not saying those who achieve well beyond expectations shouldn't be honored but where's the spot for the least of these.  It's like politics, unless you are wealthy you don't get a shot.  I am grassroots.  I love academia and I will cheer with my whole heart for the smallest of achievements.  Everyone needs a cheering section; even if its a voice of one.  Didn't Jesus visit the well at the "wrong" time and visit with the "woman" he wasn't supposed to speak to?  He even asked her to share her water...really?  That seems beneath a savior kind-of status.  

When He impacts my life, my cynicism is not welcome, for if it's there it clouds my vision.  I can't see the poor or broken hearted.  I am only able to think about the world linerally...taught my students this concept-combining a mathematical term  to a world vision.  It really connected to them because most of them learn very differently than the linear teacher that teaches them.  Even my honor student trying to pass his military exam...we talked about % and breaking down problems...drew pictures and he understood.  He understood and he passed!  He leaves this summer for basic...he's a bit afraid but desires to serve.  He's afraid of being shot; please pray for him.  

The least...again in our society of entitlement, we have little grace for those we aren't convinced are in need.  We question motives and reasons masking in the term of "stewardship" for fear that we might get taken advantage of ~ it's funny, Jesus didn't use those methods, he just loved, showed mercy, gave grace and broke bread with the lowest, the neediest, the helpless....I am certain "they" all didn't have pure motives.  Even if we guard against being "used" isn't God the judger of people?  Doesn't God see the hearts of ALL?  My philosophy in teaching...celebration and cheering belong to all.  Some need help getting their stuff together...w/o the help they would never reach potential, much less full potential.  You can't always pull yourself up, by the bootstraps, like I've always heard.  Even at the pool, Jesus didn't fuss and belittle the man who blamed everyone for passing him by...Jesus just looked deeply into the man's eyes, seeing what only Christ can see, and asked "do you want to be made well?"  Get up.  

Pray for my teenage kiddos...D who graduates and lives with her dad, a dad who is an alcoholic and throws her out/in often; for S graduate, has it all but lacks everything.  H who needs hope.  B who needs hope and tender love.  L who needs understanding and hope.  For others who can't see beyond what the adults in their lives scream at them.  They thrive in my class; reaching their own achievements...I pray that each year that potential will increase.

Much love

Wendy

Sharing Hope

Well, the school year is about over.  What a place to serve in HS and I have loved it for sure.  Our children are anxiously waiting for PJ days to begin...ha!  I am seeing one of my students sign a volleyball scholarship, head off to college, compete in a sing-off school contest...she's a miracle in progress and I am so thrilled to know her during this celebration season.  Many days I see from the faces that enter my room, some my students, some just travelers or friends of students.  I am honored to share hope with them.  Many are w/o basic necessities, have jobs to support their families and still attempt to be teenagers.  Wow!  Growing up is harder on some than others...

It's like being an adult follower of Christ...not comparing sorrow or suffering.  For YOUR today holds its own sorrow and pain....we all come before the throne of grace, needing a Savior.  Tonight Grace encountered the Lord speaking to her about serving...eyes for the poor, through testimonies of orphans in India.  A powerful moment for her; it actually made me remember 6th grade on a Wednesday night in Acteens with Mrs. Bean.  I was deeply moved by a missionary to South America, serving some of the poorest and hearing God say, "Go."  I was so touched; my emotions were flooding as I yelled within my heart, "Yes!"

Even though my experiences haven't lead me across an ocean, I still said yes.  I've seen some deep hunger in all the places we've lived and served.  I find the pain is equal, some pain cuts deeper into the marrow but still in desperate need of hope.  I begin reading today after school a book called "A Place at the Table...40 Days of Solidarity with the Poor."  In my moment, I was thinking this will be good.  Life is so much better for us than a year ago; rent can be paid, medicine can be purchased...we can even do extra things.  You know where I am headed...

The book begins with facts like:  "22,000 children die each year from extreme poverty (UNICEF), out of 2.2 billion children in the world, 1 billion live in poverty,  1 billion lack clean water, 2.6 billion have little or no sanitation...and we in the US have the widest gap between the rich and the poor of any industrialized nation.'  Pretty thoughtful but not till I read the next quote did I stop..."Augustine (you know my history with his words, ha!) said our fasting should always nourish the poor: breaking the bread for those who are hungry, said Isaiah, don't believe that fasting suffices~ if you fast, share the 'passed' meal with another"  I sat stunned.  Not again...I used to read Augustine while living in Virginia during some of our darkest days or while devouring the words of Spurgeon as I taught Bible study.  But again...I can't handle this road of without...

We are getting back to normal, I guess. Tonight the van, Goldie, stops running; Scott's "free" car has a non-working gear shift...all at once feeling loss.  How will we grocery shop?  Drive to school?  Go to work?  But I giggled.  Grace comes home from Bible study moved by serving the poor; and I want to laugh (like Sarah) to God "We are the poor!"

So I am writing...you can see pray for transportation.  For the young girl in my class w/o basic needs, for the one w/ everything but hope; for the young mother who is barely hanging on and trying to be a teenager too.  It's hard to comprehend trusting God when most things are working smoothly and for our good.  It really makes the red letters of Jesus stand out when you experience "blessed are poor in spirit...blessed am....I?"

As we breathe air in this "self-made" land of freedom and opportunity, let us not allow a thickening to our eyesight where we overlook or become blind to the poor.  Sometimes it's not all about choices.  Let us not grow cynical b/c we can explain all the reasons for someone's desperation or have a cookie-cutter formula to success...it's not the approach Jesus has with us.  He is broken hearted when we store up our treasures, our grain, our money for a "dayto come"  ~  I don't think we have to sacrifice our homes or our health but we have so much abundance.  What has the abundance done to us?  Made us superior to those without....Jesus says the least of these...I am certain it was not from his yacht sailing by the hillside of people.  he shard life with the people, visited the well at inappropriate times so he could meet "her" and even could have called Heaven down to spare his life, but didn't.  Like Tony Campolo says, "it's not a sin to be rich; it's a sin to not give it away."  Whatever we have, we must share.  We must spread hope.  So like my favorite movie..."Big waterfall ahead.  Sharp rocks at the bottom? Yes.  Bring it On"  In life we as followers must hold the jar while tears flow , break the bread for a meal, humbled to serve the lowest so we can see Jesus. 

The Rule of Benedict says "Nothing is as inconsistent with the life of any Christian as over-indulgence."

Blessings this day!

Pouring

How my life can be a pitcher pouring onto the lives of others?  Saw this image last night at a women's dinner-  provoked me to think...Sometimes feels overwhelming-  surely I'm not called to share my pains and heartaches-  what if it's not received or ....


The emptying is for me;  God's gift for us to share our brokenness and our imperfections for He is the healer of the wounded.  Taking the most misshapen tender places and making something such as a new creation.  Imagine.  Recycling in its finest hour by the one who gives rest for the weary and sight to the blind.


Walking with Katie has led me to see moments of Jesus' face only through her eyes.  It's not the power of the body or the magic of doctors but sight, clear sight, to the blind.  It's not the Katie's of our world, but us-  those who are blind to the poor, blind to the lonely, those without hope.  Aren't we funny beings taking on the persona of Christ, with all our "righteousness", our answers, our keys to a good life-  that's the message.  It's God's goodness, his righteousness, his healing to the lame and giver of hope.  He holds those keys-  none of us able to bear a burden w/o his strength, none of us able to love w/o strings except by his extended arms of love.


Grow calm and quiet-  am I emptying my "realness" or just the fake one that everyone sees when I play "Christian" and church?  It's not a game or an institution-  its life breathed into us by a living god who desires simply give hope, listen well, befriend us, and never ever leave.


Wendy