Delight me Lord is what I ask...often half-way believing He will show up to do something delightful or that I will be so distracted, I will miss it. Know the feeling? Hepzibah is just that...God's delight. It's been awhile since I have led a Bible study so I praying that God will lead and guide me as I prepare to teach Beth Moore's study on John, The Beloved Disciple.
As I dug through my notes from years ago, I realized Hepzibah was part of that journey. Immediately, my heart was rekindled. I remembered the days driving kids to school, asking the Lord for a delight. Almost a dare...even when my belief was a bit on the unbelief side, God did His part. So I have chosen to stir the soil of hepzibah and see what happens.
Delight me, O Lord this day. I was returning home from a student's receiving of friends for her father who had passed away this week. It was a privilege to be part of this intimate family time and to be part of that inner circle of events. I decided in between storms, I would run into a thrift shop in town. I found myself singing the hymns that played over the speaker and I bought a few note cards. Turned from the counter and I saw Jack. The ladies at the counter said, "Jack sit down there."
I was compelled to ask Jack if his seat was comfortable. He responded with affirmation and asked me to join him by sitting in the small white chair next to him. I did. I sat back, soaked in the moment of quiet. The store was closing, storms brewing. I said, "Jack I am tired tonight; I don't have a lot to say."
He smiled and tipped his UT ball-cap my way and replied, "That's okay honey. They could pull the shades and we would just go to sleep, resting in these nice chairs." I smiled. Leaned back and rested a moment.
Jack said, "I was an orphan years ago, put on the doorsteps of the Children's Services building, frozen eyelids and frozen legs. I think I might be a miracle or the Lord would have let me freeze to death. And here I am."
I slowly looked at Jack, eye to eye..."Jack you've helped me this day, to rest. Even if for one minute, I stopped and listened. You were my hepzibah. Thank you." He smiled, tipped hat and said, "You gave me company; thanks for that."
Our ways parted. We probably won't cross paths again but I am thankful in my running to and fro, I sat in the used chairs, marked FOR SALE, and experienced hepzibah, a delight from Jesus.
Ask, this day, for Jesus to delight you. Make sure if the urge hits you, run in the thrift store and sit for a spell. Jesus is waiting.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
the bravest one
I saw a post today from a friend who displayed the most bravery I have seen in awhile. My friend was being honest and reflective but what struck me the most was the amount of courage it took to say the words. "Say the words mama" have become a theme this season. Wonder why? With everyone screaming about "their" rights and making public so many thoughts, I begin to question, "Where did privacy go?"
It seems to be a an issue of commitment. Commitment to the body in which hears my voice and the commitment or dependence on the Lord that HIS grace will (surely) be enough, even if all or everyone else fails. To live this out is often flooded with vulnerability; not knowing what others will do or say. And often, as seen in the church, what is said in the whispers behind smiles. It's always the aura that fills the hallways and hushes the spoken word but it is Loud, it penetrates. How can something be loud and not be heard? Or silent and be 'screamed' where it's impossible to overlook. We see it happen in a variety of circles and is most hurtful in our closest of communities.
Yet we still pretend and play the game. When something strikes too sharply, we might disengage or slightly, quietly disappear. The system at play continues to search for life-sources. This aspect of community is dangerous but rarely addressed. It just might hurt someones feelings or "call-out" the Pharisaical like behaviors. Now we have no problems addressing the issues of others but let's not get too close to meddling. I just might be convicted to my role in the communal sin.
If "it's" said just right and nobody gets hurt, I get my voice heard and hopefully the underlying message will be understood and translated into action. As I write this, my words sound like code for a insular group...yuck. But I know this is the case. I have been on both sides, contributing to the success or well-intentions of both parties. Fully committed to the system at play.
God, guard our hearts from being lured into this society of pretend, bathed in your name. Guard our words/actions to be FULL of grace, when breathed by your breath, is sufficient. Allow us to pour mercy and heap love again outsourced by your Perfect Love that casts out fear. Give us courage, like my friend, to find community and lean into that community as we, followers together, lean into you. May we hide together where you cover us by the cleft of the rock, instead of making our voices like clanging cymbals. Together we will humbly fall at your feet, realizing WE are all separate from your image yet you carve us into your sweet family. Amen.
It seems to be a an issue of commitment. Commitment to the body in which hears my voice and the commitment or dependence on the Lord that HIS grace will (surely) be enough, even if all or everyone else fails. To live this out is often flooded with vulnerability; not knowing what others will do or say. And often, as seen in the church, what is said in the whispers behind smiles. It's always the aura that fills the hallways and hushes the spoken word but it is Loud, it penetrates. How can something be loud and not be heard? Or silent and be 'screamed' where it's impossible to overlook. We see it happen in a variety of circles and is most hurtful in our closest of communities.
Yet we still pretend and play the game. When something strikes too sharply, we might disengage or slightly, quietly disappear. The system at play continues to search for life-sources. This aspect of community is dangerous but rarely addressed. It just might hurt someones feelings or "call-out" the Pharisaical like behaviors. Now we have no problems addressing the issues of others but let's not get too close to meddling. I just might be convicted to my role in the communal sin.
If "it's" said just right and nobody gets hurt, I get my voice heard and hopefully the underlying message will be understood and translated into action. As I write this, my words sound like code for a insular group...yuck. But I know this is the case. I have been on both sides, contributing to the success or well-intentions of both parties. Fully committed to the system at play.
God, guard our hearts from being lured into this society of pretend, bathed in your name. Guard our words/actions to be FULL of grace, when breathed by your breath, is sufficient. Allow us to pour mercy and heap love again outsourced by your Perfect Love that casts out fear. Give us courage, like my friend, to find community and lean into that community as we, followers together, lean into you. May we hide together where you cover us by the cleft of the rock, instead of making our voices like clanging cymbals. Together we will humbly fall at your feet, realizing WE are all separate from your image yet you carve us into your sweet family. Amen.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Being a Friend
You've heard God is your friend. Be a friend like Jesus. Jesus, friend of Sinners...
Sometimes we use this type of language so quickly, it seeps through our lips not really contemplating its origin or impact. I am not convinced we understand most things we say; we might know the vocabulary and give insight intellectually but connecting words to the heart are often a skill we forsake learning.
Our youngest went with her Great-Aunt and her youngest cousin to Georgia. It's the first time our baby, Sophia, has been away other than to Nana's without her siblings. Having 4 children, there is little space or time to have "alone" time; Sophia enjoys her siblings and treasures the idea of never going to bed ALONE. Ha!
Small vacation for two little people was just beginning. Not till the end of day 1, did we talk on the phone. I was upbeat and full of enthusiasm about having a hot-tub and lots of play time. I could hear a tiny sniffle. I tried to remain upbeat; but in a soft tiny voice I heard, "I am homesick, Mama." I knew we were on a downhill spiral...4.5 hours from home and it's bedtime.
"Can I talk to Katie? and Lija and Daddy?" Sophia's tiny voice asked. I said, "Of course." She and Katie talked for a moment and Katie tenderly shared how sorry she was that Sophia was sad. She tried to identify with the homesickness feeling and realized she didn't know this feeling. I listened. Katie said, "Hold on a minute...Mama? Have I ever had this feeling?" I paused realizing she wasn't ever really homesick. "No Katie I don't think so." The conversation continued. Katie displaying empathy and ending with I will pray for you...
"Dear Jesus, Be with Sophia our little sister. She is having a hard time on her vacation.
Help to be happy and not be sad tomorrow. And thank you that Nana will be there Tuesday. Amen."
I was touched. Elijah's conversation was next. Sweet to the point still filled with empathy and ending with "I miss you Sophia." Again Scott and I trying to stay positive and encourage Sophia that Nana would be coming Tuesday and she would get to go to the American Girl Tea Room. We said goodnight and all ended well.
Today Katie said how much she missed Grace and Sophia. She described our family as incomplete without them even though they would be home soon. I first felt a bit sad because if Katie were "normal" she would be on the mission's trip with Grace. She wouldn't be longing for playing pretend with Sophia either. As that thought crossed my mind another intersected. Katie has an insight to the slogans..."Jesus friend of sinners" and loving your neighbor than I had experienced. She didn't pretend to know Sophia's feelings of homesickness but listened and prayed on the spot with her sister. She missed the connection of our "whole" family being under one roof. Katie understands the language.
Thanks to those who cannot see, showing us the way. For those who cannot walk, guiding us. For those with sensitivity to their environment, modeling the greatest expression of empathy. Walking the journey is not having all the answers or even knowing how to pray. It's listening and saying the words, laying the burden for your friend at the feet of Jesus.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Closest to Jesus
"Put one foot in front of the other.." It's a famous Disney tune but also our jingle to keep Katie walking instead of teetering side to side. Her hips never formed in their appropriate place causing dysplasia. She began walking at age 6; but passed the crucial time for hips to embed into their sockets appropriately. It sounds pretty technical but I never was aware of how much intricacy it required for this body to be classified "healthy."
Turning 15 years old, new challenges old grief. I find that loss of anything creeps back into lives and crosses the road at unexpected places. When on the journey, the rush of 'grief-adrenaline' washing a multitude of emotions at the same time requires me to adjust, take action and/or think clearly. It sounds like a well-oiled machine but often I find myself sluggishly tossed aside the path, hoping for energy to regroup.
Sounds familiar to my faith experiences as Jesus intersects my planned thoughtful intentions, my dreams and the great adventure of riding in the carriage of my princess story. I chuckle as I write this immature but realistic view. Along this path, I find that every strategy I can revive fails. At times, the pain or discomfort is eased but until I am face to face with the loss, I cannot move past.
Questions like "Why me?" or "Why can't I move forward?" "I did 'all the right' things and made good choices, but..." It's not until Jesus catches my full attention, eye to eye, I cannot experience His sufficient grace and accept His mercies anew. The renewal of mind offers a glimpse of hope. It's the point like Elijah felt when nourished in the cave, almost giving up. It's like I imagine Esther as she agrees to step foot into the King's office, uninvited. It's the feeling of almost passing out but stepping one foot in faith.
Living with Katie's illness and disability comes in waves of grief, thankfulness and unexpectedness. As I am changing, hopefully for the better, I am seeing the heart of Jesus is best seen through the broken. I was reminded this week as John The Baptist sent word to Jesus from prison, "Are you who you say you are?" The answer most intriguing..."Tell John, the lame will walk and the blind will see."
To see Jesus and experience His heart, we must intertwine our brokenness with the unseen/misunderstood children of God for they are the marrow of His body.
Turning 15 years old, new challenges old grief. I find that loss of anything creeps back into lives and crosses the road at unexpected places. When on the journey, the rush of 'grief-adrenaline' washing a multitude of emotions at the same time requires me to adjust, take action and/or think clearly. It sounds like a well-oiled machine but often I find myself sluggishly tossed aside the path, hoping for energy to regroup.
Sounds familiar to my faith experiences as Jesus intersects my planned thoughtful intentions, my dreams and the great adventure of riding in the carriage of my princess story. I chuckle as I write this immature but realistic view. Along this path, I find that every strategy I can revive fails. At times, the pain or discomfort is eased but until I am face to face with the loss, I cannot move past.
Questions like "Why me?" or "Why can't I move forward?" "I did 'all the right' things and made good choices, but..." It's not until Jesus catches my full attention, eye to eye, I cannot experience His sufficient grace and accept His mercies anew. The renewal of mind offers a glimpse of hope. It's the point like Elijah felt when nourished in the cave, almost giving up. It's like I imagine Esther as she agrees to step foot into the King's office, uninvited. It's the feeling of almost passing out but stepping one foot in faith.
Living with Katie's illness and disability comes in waves of grief, thankfulness and unexpectedness. As I am changing, hopefully for the better, I am seeing the heart of Jesus is best seen through the broken. I was reminded this week as John The Baptist sent word to Jesus from prison, "Are you who you say you are?" The answer most intriguing..."Tell John, the lame will walk and the blind will see."
To see Jesus and experience His heart, we must intertwine our brokenness with the unseen/misunderstood children of God for they are the marrow of His body.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
"To Be or Not To Be"
Finding a place to lay my head...well according to Jesus, the Son of Man has no place. Modeling after Jesus that puts my ambitious soul in a quandary. How do I resolve my passions for living out the Christian life while living in a world absorbed with instant gratification and consumerism? That's a tough place to be...I wouldn't say that in the western world we should forsake all material possessions yet the consumption of things is off balance.
Growing up in the church, I am familiar with traditions, committees, break-out groups, missions organizations, trips overseas and to the "poorer" areas of local communities...the list goes on. We've had thoughtful intentions about most of our planning; I am not saying that we've "done it wrong" in fact we've done many things with missions/evangelism/Bible study in spectacular ways. I am cautious that we've turned our beliefs toward "ourselves" relying on our strength. We live in a culture that celebrates self-sufficiency, strength and standing alone. Then we gather ourselves in a community of faith, awkwardly not knowing how/where to fit in or be that community.
Finding community is a challenge but living within one is a discipline. It's bearing burdens alongside others, sometimes just one other. It's weeping when sadness overwhelms and partying like no tomorrow when small miracles or praises need to be celebrated. It's like the joy the man, who Rev. James Forbes refers to as Long Time John, experiences at the pool of Bethesda. Jesus didn't condemn. In fact scripture says, "Jesus knew about this man...looked within his eyes (the lamp unto the body while asking ONE question)...Do you want to be well?"
Thanks Jesus. You didn't blame me for sitting for 38 years, waiting. You didn't criticize me or make me go through a penalty process. Jesus you asked one question. Long Time John answered when Jesus said "get up, take your mat and walk". Long Time John did just that, according to John, "he immediately got up." When Jesus looks through God's eyes, looking into our eyes...we aren't filled with shame. We cannot help but answer in the community of the triune God and our-self..."Yes I want to be well and follow with immediate response."
Finding that spot within a group of Jesus followers is a challenge and it's an issue of humility, trust and vulnerability. Start with God, Father/Son/Holy Spirit...you're not alone. Then trust others to bear this life alongside you. It may be sharing your supper with a neighbor, mowing a lawn, house cleaning, laundry, drinking coffee, playing a game or Slowing down to really see those we pass daily. In lue of the most frequent responses "I'm busy" or simply don't want to see you, slowly ask God to whisper, nudge and He will guide your path, supporting you as you walk.
Growing up in the church, I am familiar with traditions, committees, break-out groups, missions organizations, trips overseas and to the "poorer" areas of local communities...the list goes on. We've had thoughtful intentions about most of our planning; I am not saying that we've "done it wrong" in fact we've done many things with missions/evangelism/Bible study in spectacular ways. I am cautious that we've turned our beliefs toward "ourselves" relying on our strength. We live in a culture that celebrates self-sufficiency, strength and standing alone. Then we gather ourselves in a community of faith, awkwardly not knowing how/where to fit in or be that community.
Finding community is a challenge but living within one is a discipline. It's bearing burdens alongside others, sometimes just one other. It's weeping when sadness overwhelms and partying like no tomorrow when small miracles or praises need to be celebrated. It's like the joy the man, who Rev. James Forbes refers to as Long Time John, experiences at the pool of Bethesda. Jesus didn't condemn. In fact scripture says, "Jesus knew about this man...looked within his eyes (the lamp unto the body while asking ONE question)...Do you want to be well?"
Thanks Jesus. You didn't blame me for sitting for 38 years, waiting. You didn't criticize me or make me go through a penalty process. Jesus you asked one question. Long Time John answered when Jesus said "get up, take your mat and walk". Long Time John did just that, according to John, "he immediately got up." When Jesus looks through God's eyes, looking into our eyes...we aren't filled with shame. We cannot help but answer in the community of the triune God and our-self..."Yes I want to be well and follow with immediate response."
Finding that spot within a group of Jesus followers is a challenge and it's an issue of humility, trust and vulnerability. Start with God, Father/Son/Holy Spirit...you're not alone. Then trust others to bear this life alongside you. It may be sharing your supper with a neighbor, mowing a lawn, house cleaning, laundry, drinking coffee, playing a game or Slowing down to really see those we pass daily. In lue of the most frequent responses "I'm busy" or simply don't want to see you, slowly ask God to whisper, nudge and He will guide your path, supporting you as you walk.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Say The Words Mama!
Today I am reflecting on our small group discussion from yesterday. Little ones leading big ones. It seems to happen so often when we remove ourselves ~ when we let go of the reins. A very young soul sharing cookies with a neighbor, simply act of kindness, yes. But God at work to unite two families, YES. A connection that brought one woman, recovering from cancer to another. All through the leadership of the youngest member. Cookies, whispers of God's voice and willingness.
A very late night in a swamped ER, middle of downtown, young child, Katie, says "Hi Ma'am. How are you?" Me, the mom, cringes. (That woman is homeless and she looks very ill; maybe Hepatitis or something...better not get too close. Katie please stop talking to her.) "Shh Katie, she is very sick and cannot look up, please don't disturb her." (well meaning but my heart was a bit fearful of the situation)
Still waiting. Katie speaks up again. "Ma'am, Ma'am. Are you sick?" The lady moved a little but couldn't look up. I looked down at my lap hoping we wouldn't make eye contact. Katie said, "Ma'am can we pray for you? Jesus loves you." Inside I am feeling nervous and a bit aggravated. The lady nodded to Katie's response. I rolled my eyes. "MAMA! Say the words for the lady." Katie said loudly. I quietly said, "Ma'am we will pray for you."
A minute passed. Katie said again with arms waving back/forth, "Mama b say the words now." A stopped as a deer in headlights. A decision to be made. The woman tilted her body toward me. Katie starring me down, waiting on the prayer. I was embarrassed inside myself. You mean I could take her request to my church, pray later for her needs BUT couldn't utter a word aloud.
I bowed my head in the dark ER waiting room. It's not that anyone else heard me. It was reaching out to the "least of these" on the spot. I prayed a simple prayer and thanked God for Katie's leadership and ministry.
Katie's eyes don't work like ours. She's cortically visually impaired. Yet she sees into many souls. That night, see could see 20/20 and I was blinded by pride. My whisper became a request from a child.
"Say the words now Mama b!"
Stop this week and listen...quiet your planned activities and hear the smallest of voices. It may be a blessing to be HIS hands/feet to the least of these. I promise it will change our vision forever.
A very late night in a swamped ER, middle of downtown, young child, Katie, says "Hi Ma'am. How are you?" Me, the mom, cringes. (That woman is homeless and she looks very ill; maybe Hepatitis or something...better not get too close. Katie please stop talking to her.) "Shh Katie, she is very sick and cannot look up, please don't disturb her." (well meaning but my heart was a bit fearful of the situation)
Still waiting. Katie speaks up again. "Ma'am, Ma'am. Are you sick?" The lady moved a little but couldn't look up. I looked down at my lap hoping we wouldn't make eye contact. Katie said, "Ma'am can we pray for you? Jesus loves you." Inside I am feeling nervous and a bit aggravated. The lady nodded to Katie's response. I rolled my eyes. "MAMA! Say the words for the lady." Katie said loudly. I quietly said, "Ma'am we will pray for you."
A minute passed. Katie said again with arms waving back/forth, "Mama b say the words now." A stopped as a deer in headlights. A decision to be made. The woman tilted her body toward me. Katie starring me down, waiting on the prayer. I was embarrassed inside myself. You mean I could take her request to my church, pray later for her needs BUT couldn't utter a word aloud.
I bowed my head in the dark ER waiting room. It's not that anyone else heard me. It was reaching out to the "least of these" on the spot. I prayed a simple prayer and thanked God for Katie's leadership and ministry.
Katie's eyes don't work like ours. She's cortically visually impaired. Yet she sees into many souls. That night, see could see 20/20 and I was blinded by pride. My whisper became a request from a child.
"Say the words now Mama b!"
Stop this week and listen...quiet your planned activities and hear the smallest of voices. It may be a blessing to be HIS hands/feet to the least of these. I promise it will change our vision forever.
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