Closest to Jesus

"Put one foot in front of the other.."  It's a famous Disney tune but also our jingle to keep Katie walking instead of teetering side to side.  Her hips never formed in their appropriate place causing dysplasia.  She began walking at age 6; but passed the crucial time for hips to embed into their sockets appropriately.  It sounds pretty technical but I never was aware of how much intricacy it required for this body to be classified "healthy."

Turning 15 years old, new challenges old grief.  I find that loss of anything creeps back into lives and crosses the road at unexpected places. When on the journey, the rush of 'grief-adrenaline' washing a multitude of emotions at the same time requires me to adjust, take action and/or think clearly.  It sounds like a well-oiled machine but often I find myself sluggishly tossed aside the path, hoping for energy to regroup.

Sounds familiar to my faith experiences as Jesus intersects my planned thoughtful intentions, my dreams and the great adventure of riding in the carriage of my princess story.  I chuckle as I write this immature but realistic view.  Along this path, I find that every strategy I can revive fails.  At times, the pain or discomfort is eased but until I am face to face with the loss, I cannot move past.

Questions like "Why me?"  or "Why can't I move forward?"  "I did 'all the right' things and made good choices, but..."  It's not until Jesus catches my full attention, eye to eye, I cannot experience His sufficient grace and accept His mercies anew.  The renewal of mind offers a glimpse of hope.  It's the point like Elijah felt when nourished in the cave, almost giving up.  It's like I imagine Esther as she agrees to step foot into the King's office, uninvited.  It's the feeling of almost passing out but stepping one foot in faith.

Living with Katie's illness and disability comes in waves of grief, thankfulness and unexpectedness.  As I am changing, hopefully for the better, I am seeing the heart of Jesus is best seen through the broken. I was reminded this week as John The Baptist sent word to Jesus from prison, "Are you who you say you are?"  The answer most intriguing..."Tell John, the lame will walk and the blind will see."

To see Jesus and experience His heart, we must intertwine our brokenness with the unseen/misunderstood children of God for they are the marrow of His body.