Far More Than I Can Imagine

I find that questions rise in my heart about what's the meaning of all this stuff we live for, expect more of and experience disappointment in...is this really the life God described in Ephesians "far more than you could ever imagine or guess or ask for beyond wildest dreams?" (The Message)

I don't know that there is an answer but the wrestling of the questions is an example of "working out my faith."  The answer isn't promised but the wrestling is necessary for us to grow.  It's the unpleasantness of not having a clean-cut answer that draws me back to the well.  See the conversations at the well were significant. So often I find myself painfully going back to the well, either on foot or crawling because I feel overwhelmed with the life I parted with in hope that Jesus will serve living water.

The process seems redundant and our learning curve seems flat.  I can't help but laugh that God must have a terrific sense of humor.  We must exhaust him at times.  Yet He is the perfect parent, offering patience, kindness and love, all wrapped in grace and mercy that overflows our cups.  At the same time, His eyes reach deep within our marrow providing tender mercy to move forward.  I compare this to my ability or inability as a parent, so filled with weariness of the questions and often so limited on grace and mercy.

Thankfully God is patient as he ministers to me and speaks to me through His word, music, fellow saints on this journey, communion with God's people, driving through the mountains, hearing the ocean and the list goes on.  He restores my soul midst my enemies; He allows me to draw from him at all times, never growing weary.  His compassions never end and gratefully He is slow to anger.

I pray that I will never cease to ask the questions or wrestle with trembling the experiences of faith.  I pray that I will not expect the people of God, to be God.  That I will offer a safe table with many voices to break bread with and experience life together.  Praise God for many chances; as I am just a sinner saved only by His grace and live to share this Good News with all mankind.