This is what I get when I write at school awaiting the bell. Opposite of faith isn't certainty...it's fear. Fear that paralyzes and endorses a feeling of hopelessness. It screams at me "believe more; pray harder!" Yet offers no tools to get through the fire of fear. The certainty piece that my friend threw into discussion is a mate with faith. Looking down at the water, seeing the state in which I find myself (like Peter), I get afraid. I sink. I panic. Hands sweat; heart races. Where is my help that is supposed to be (poison words for my heart) in place and making it possible to walk on water.
I don't know this is a conglomerate of ideas; I guess that's the wrestling of faith. Thanks all for working this out alongside me.
Opposites. We teach them in school; compare and contrast. There seems to always be something to compare to and measure up to...how can this mindset not indoctrinate our lives with Christ? I am not sure that some of our struggles here, based solidly in culture, do not resemble the face of Jesus. We clothe these thoughts with "good well-intention" moral standards, yet they fail to include the heart of the person. When examined, they offer little grace and very little forgiveness.
Through a discerning community, I am wrestling the opposite of faith...what is it? My mind fights the beast which screams, "the opposite of faith is doubt/hopeless or unbelief." But doubt doesn't belong in this equation. It's certainty, as my friend Will describes, certainty that God is more than, exceedingly more. Like Peter...maybe we all are "water walkers" and when we doubt, the window is opened for Jesus to speak in love, not reprimand, "don't be afraid."
It an ebb and flow that runs through my bones...the wrestling of my own cross. So keep water walking...Jesus is there. He will provide. Certainty that my hope can reside and find solace, not doubt...an unwelcomed guest.
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